I Have Thoughts That Need To Be Shared (a series)

– I don’t travel light. I feel like that’s a personal flaw – why am I incapable of leaving the apartment without taking a million things with me?

Also, I’ve clearly jumped on the Le Pliage bandwagon, and I sort of hate myself for it. Every girl and her damn grandmother owns one of these Longchamp bags, but it turns out there’s a perfectly legitimate reason for this: the bag is sturdy, lightweight, and fits ALL of my crap, including the big stash of fruits I’ve been bringing in to work every day this week.

The big stash of fruits is not pictured here, because it had all made its way into my mouth by the time this photo was taken.

 

– Speaking of fruits in my mouth, I put a banana in my mouth the other day, got distracted by work e-mails and then completely forgot that there was a banana in my mouth, waiting for me to eat it.

Take a second to picture that, and you’ll see why I was mortified when I realised what I was doing.

(And at WORK, too!)

 

– Sometimes I feel like a fraud: I’m only playing the role of the competent employee and responsible adult. I’m not actually a competent employee and responsible adult; I’ll get caught out eventually. Most days, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. I tend to forget that I’m actually good at my job. Worse still, I tend to forget that I’m 26 years old and no longer need to ask for permission to do things, that my life is my own, and I am entirely responsible for creating the life I’d like to live.

It’s hard for me to not feel like I’m just playing a role, and that people will eventually catch on and realise that I really have no fucking clue.

I’ve been told that I need more self-confidence, and that I need to be less risk-averse. I’m working on it.

 

– I really fucking love that so many people have been saying this to me, in response to my telling them about my big scary goals: “Well, what’s stopping you?”

The answer to that question is this: “Nothing, really.”

I just need to get my butt into gear, and find some guts – a little chutzpah – in the meantime.

 

– Life would be a lot less expensive if I didn’t feel an irresistable need to keep learning new things. Learning another language and mastering the art of essay-writing are not cheap activities, unfortunately.

Having said that, I need to remember that at least I’m fortunate enough to be in a position where French lessons and writing courses are options available to me. Expensive options, sure, but it’s an investment in my future and the life I’d like to live, so there’s that. It boils down to this: less complaining, more belt-tightening. Just shift things around in the budget – pack lunch, drink less, etc. You have to find a way to make these things work.

 

– I tend to lose myself in a book – you could be screaming my name loud enough to wake the dead, and I won’t even look up. It doesn’t even register; I’m that absorbed in what I’m reading.

I found myself wondering the other day if anyone would ever find this endearing. Would anyone love me for this particular quality?

No one has, so far.

 

– I miss San Francisco.

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