“The Rules”: A Personal Manifesto

Trust your instincts. You know more than you think you do.

Ask yourself: “What’s the worst that could happen?” If the answer isn’t “Somebody dies”, then put the big girl panties on & go for it, whatever “IT” is. Jump first; think later. You never want to look back and wonder, “What if?”

“Be silly. Be honest. Be kind.” – Emerson.

Be kind. Be kind to others, yes, but remember to be kind to yourself. This means calling in sick and taking yourself to the doctor when necessary. This means taking a break from yoga so you can heal from injuries. This means not pushing yourself in yoga when you’re feeling tired, or your muscles are a little bit stiff and sore. This means graciously accepting compliments instead of deflecting them with snarky replies. This means taking the credit for when you’ve done good work. This means not beating yourself up for feeling the things you feel.

Acknowledge the reality of your feelings. Acknowledge the reality of other people’s feelings. Right or wrong, rational or irrational – none of these things matter. The point is, feelings are being felt, and only by acknowledging them can you move on. Remember: you spent your entire life suppressing your feelings, and now you no longer speak to anyone in your immediate family. Let that be a lesson. And so: acknowledge your feelings, embrace them, and then move on.

You are not your (very transitory) feelings.

But having said that, learn to understand what your feelings are trying to tell you. They didn’t just come out of nowhere: the sooner you try to understand and address their source, the better.

Learn to recognise the things you cannot control – this includes people. Learn to let go of the things you cannot control.

Learn to enjoy uncertainty.

Learn to stop over-thinking. “Studies show that thinking too much can lead to sub-optimal judgments.” – from The Optimism Bias: A Tour of the Irrationally Positive Brain.

Learn to recognise when you are stressing out for no good reason. Learn to stop stressing out for no good reason. The truth is, you don’t suck at [insert relevant subject here]. Stop thinking that you do. The stories you tell yourself tend to come true. Start telling yourself some good stories.

Remember that your focus should be on the process, and not on the final outcome.

Remember that sometimes the right answer is “No.”

Don’t judge. Just don’t. You have no idea what the other person has lived through.

Do all the nice things. Do all the nice things even when it’s the last thing you feel like doing, because:

a)    You will make the people you care about happy; and

b)   This, in turn, will make you happy.

Sure, it sounds a little selfish: you’re doing nice things for other people because it helps you get out of your head for a little while, and then you end up feeling happier as a result. Who cares if it’s selfish? You’re making someone’s day a little bit brighter. You’re putting a smile on someone’s face. This is a good thing. Do the nice things each and every time the inspiration hits you.

And while you’re at it: do all your things. Read every book and magazine you can get your hands on. Write everything down – nonsensical things, angry things, dreamy things, silly things, and banal things. Write it all down. Write every single day. Make lists. Look up the meaning of words. Underline whole paragraphs and fold down page corners. Sing your favourite songs out loud. Drink coffee. Talk to the baristas. Wander through bookshops and art galleries. Go out for brunch and for drinks with the girls. Make new friends. “Travel until the wheels of your suitcase fall off.” Do all the things you love.

Love fiercely and with reckless abandon, when the time comes.